Frain Bry
Lamictal sucks.
Doc Psych wanted me up to 200mg per day. It wasn't going to happen. I tapered off because my legs swelled up like balloons, my stomach was bloated, I felt like a lab rat with a chemical-like feeling zapping my brain, but more importantly my blood pressure went through the roof, I was having horrible heart palpitations, and I started having hyperexplexia (hyperactive startle response). I would jump at the slightest noise, get pissed off, and could never relax. Getting off of the clozapam (sp?) took away the major rage. Now I'm depressed.
I am sad to say that my headaches are now back, but my heart no longer feels like it's going to burst out of my chest. My doctor is no longer saying I am bipolar. She says, "dysthimia".
I was in a much much better mood on the Lamictal. I find myself consistently depressed although I am on 30mg of Prozac a day. I have also found I am drinking beer more often.
I'm too tire to write in a literate fashion.
Straight up...here's how this lil' white girl feels:
Depressed.
I miss my ex-husband.
I wonder if I will ever find anyone to love me again.
I have gained about 70lbs in the last 2 years.
I feel fat.
I hate being fat. I get my worth from my weight apparently and I feel worthless quite often.
My house is a total pig pen.Feeling hopeless.
Flooded fucked up basement filled with my mom's bullshit flooded ass clothes I've been washing for weeks.
HEADACHE...ALWAYS.
Depressed.
Basement flooded
My mother asked me today if me and my best friend were "dating". My friend is a girl. Apparently it is not normal for a 24yo and 36yo to be best friends. We met in nursing school. I'm also friends with another girl that is 22. Therefor, I am a lesbian??? THAT IS FUCKED UP. It's bad enough for my own mother to basically ask me if I'm a lesbian. But...but...to be thought of as a cougar lesbian too? Fuck fuck fuck...this is fucked up. I was already feeling old and then my mom has to go and ask me that. FUCKING FUCKED UP BULLSHIT. I am so hurt.
Fuck this shit. I'm going to go play Fallout 3.
Doc Psych wanted me up to 200mg per day. It wasn't going to happen. I tapered off because my legs swelled up like balloons, my stomach was bloated, I felt like a lab rat with a chemical-like feeling zapping my brain, but more importantly my blood pressure went through the roof, I was having horrible heart palpitations, and I started having hyperexplexia (hyperactive startle response). I would jump at the slightest noise, get pissed off, and could never relax. Getting off of the clozapam (sp?) took away the major rage. Now I'm depressed.
I am sad to say that my headaches are now back, but my heart no longer feels like it's going to burst out of my chest. My doctor is no longer saying I am bipolar. She says, "dysthimia".
I was in a much much better mood on the Lamictal. I find myself consistently depressed although I am on 30mg of Prozac a day. I have also found I am drinking beer more often.
I'm too tire to write in a literate fashion.
Straight up...here's how this lil' white girl feels:
Depressed.
I miss my ex-husband.
I wonder if I will ever find anyone to love me again.
I have gained about 70lbs in the last 2 years.
I feel fat.
I hate being fat. I get my worth from my weight apparently and I feel worthless quite often.
My house is a total pig pen.Feeling hopeless.
Flooded fucked up basement filled with my mom's bullshit flooded ass clothes I've been washing for weeks.
HEADACHE...ALWAYS.
Depressed.
Basement flooded
My mother asked me today if me and my best friend were "dating". My friend is a girl. Apparently it is not normal for a 24yo and 36yo to be best friends. We met in nursing school. I'm also friends with another girl that is 22. Therefor, I am a lesbian??? THAT IS FUCKED UP. It's bad enough for my own mother to basically ask me if I'm a lesbian. But...but...to be thought of as a cougar lesbian too? Fuck fuck fuck...this is fucked up. I was already feeling old and then my mom has to go and ask me that. FUCKING FUCKED UP BULLSHIT. I am so hurt.
Fuck this shit. I'm going to go play Fallout 3.
Labels: clozapam, Depression, hyperexplexia, Lamictal, tension headache
posted by Lillian at 6:10 PM
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