Last Night Was a Bitch...
I'm sitting here in a misty fog. My head feels like a someone has scooped out the grey matter on the sides and replaced it with ice-aka: It hurts. I just woke up around 20 minutes ago though and have yet to drink my coffee. I washed down my 25mg Lamictal w/ some RC and jumped right online for my update.
Last night was a bitch. My brother came over and brought pizza. I played some Halo 3 then we watched a little bit of some new Western that came out...something like "Shoot now: Pray Later". I ate way too much pizza (practically an entire pizza from CiCi's) and had some of their cinammon rolls. Mmm...I then felt sick to my stomach. Energy...I had so much energy yesterday. It was like someone squished that superhero Flash & injected his essence into my veins. Zooooooooooomin' all damn day (in my head anyway). Physically, I'm still too depressed to do much of anything (o60r rather, too depressed to want to do much of anything). Back on target-All was well until the phone rang.
My phone line is all crackly and I can't hear very well what people are saying on the other side. I can't have someone fix the line because my mother still has all her crap in that room from when she moved out in September. Basically, I'm paying 40bucks a month for a phone that doesn't work and it pisses me off, and it pisses me off just to hear it ring. I want to be left alone. Sooooo when the phone rang, I got pissed off. When I found out who it was, I got pissed off even more because she knows I don't want to talk on the damn phone, and then to hear it still all crackly...that threw me into a rage. I started screaming about my mom not cleaning up her shit, screaming about this, screaming about that...went into the kitchen (where all the cabinets are filled with my mom and brother's stuff left from the move) and started sweeping the things out of them with a swoosh of my hand. Pots of dirt, birdseed, potting soil, a cup here and there, a pan or two, an iron...all of it whooshed onto the floor. Yeah, I was raging. And ya know what...the shit is still in there on that mother f-ing floor. (feeling the rage build up again) The good thing is that I didn't hurt anyone. I don't ever hurt anyone. I don't ever want to hurt anyone. Throwing cups of liquids such as 32oz drinks, clearing cabinets w/ a swoosh, screaming like a banshee..that's all more my style. : )
To calm down from my rage (which physically felt like Hulk Juice infused into my soul) I sat down and killed aliens on Halo 3! That there was good coping. Speaking of coping, I still have not been able to study for my upcoming Psych test. The test is on Tuesday and I can't focus. I feel all this energy, but have can't use it to clean or study or anything because...well, I lack total interest. I am too amped. I am amped and wore out in the same. It's so strange. I could seriously lay down and go right back to sleep. Instead, I'm going to try to focus. I'll get online and study off of the powerpoints. Maybe that will engage my mind more.
Later
Last night was a bitch. My brother came over and brought pizza. I played some Halo 3 then we watched a little bit of some new Western that came out...something like "Shoot now: Pray Later". I ate way too much pizza (practically an entire pizza from CiCi's) and had some of their cinammon rolls. Mmm...I then felt sick to my stomach. Energy...I had so much energy yesterday. It was like someone squished that superhero Flash & injected his essence into my veins. Zooooooooooomin' all damn day (in my head anyway). Physically, I'm still too depressed to do much of anything (o60r rather, too depressed to want to do much of anything). Back on target-All was well until the phone rang.
My phone line is all crackly and I can't hear very well what people are saying on the other side. I can't have someone fix the line because my mother still has all her crap in that room from when she moved out in September. Basically, I'm paying 40bucks a month for a phone that doesn't work and it pisses me off, and it pisses me off just to hear it ring. I want to be left alone. Sooooo when the phone rang, I got pissed off. When I found out who it was, I got pissed off even more because she knows I don't want to talk on the damn phone, and then to hear it still all crackly...that threw me into a rage. I started screaming about my mom not cleaning up her shit, screaming about this, screaming about that...went into the kitchen (where all the cabinets are filled with my mom and brother's stuff left from the move) and started sweeping the things out of them with a swoosh of my hand. Pots of dirt, birdseed, potting soil, a cup here and there, a pan or two, an iron...all of it whooshed onto the floor. Yeah, I was raging. And ya know what...the shit is still in there on that mother f-ing floor. (feeling the rage build up again) The good thing is that I didn't hurt anyone. I don't ever hurt anyone. I don't ever want to hurt anyone. Throwing cups of liquids such as 32oz drinks, clearing cabinets w/ a swoosh, screaming like a banshee..that's all more my style. : )
To calm down from my rage (which physically felt like Hulk Juice infused into my soul) I sat down and killed aliens on Halo 3! That there was good coping. Speaking of coping, I still have not been able to study for my upcoming Psych test. The test is on Tuesday and I can't focus. I feel all this energy, but have can't use it to clean or study or anything because...well, I lack total interest. I am too amped. I am amped and wore out in the same. It's so strange. I could seriously lay down and go right back to sleep. Instead, I'm going to try to focus. I'll get online and study off of the powerpoints. Maybe that will engage my mind more.
Later
posted by Lillian at 8:28 AM
1 Comments:
FYI: I never did do that studying on the powerpoints.
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